Seriously, I wanna know. I think it's a sad day indeed when I can't stroll into the restaurant of my choice, place a simple order, and get what I asked for. And I want to make it clear up front that I'm not one of those "Number 2, hold the lettuce and mayo, and add pickles and extra mustard" douchebags who fuck it up for everyone else-- if I do place a special order, it's plain. Chicken sandwich, plain. Baconator, plain. I either want the default sandwich or fucking nothing on it. That simple.
Yet, somehow, it seems that every time I order anything from anywhere anymore, it's wrong. And truth be told, this bewilders the fuck out of me. I understand that food service, and especially fast food service, is a shit job. It sucks! I get that. But since when is a degree in astro-fuck-physics a McDonald's job requirement? Last I checked, it went something like this:
Fast Food Service Requirements:
A Compendium
by Teh Boughnaa
- Breathing
- Basic English
- "Would you like fries with that?"
DONE AND DONE.
Case in point: I like chicken. I get off work and think to myself, "Damn! I could really go for some popcorn chicken!" So, off I go to the local KFC. I'm in a good mood-- no, a GREAT mood, despite the fact that I have now witnessed the horror that is the new CMS system for the university (more on that nonsense in another post). I'm polite, I'm holding the door for the old dude-- shit, I even let a nice woman cut in line in front of me because I needed a minute to scan the menu to see what this was gonna cost. Five bucks for the combo, which includes potato wedges? Hot DAMN! This is a good day.
So I wait oh-so-very patiently, and it takes ten minutes to take the orders of the two people in front of me.
Urge to kill: 10%
Another ten minutes later, they have their food and it's my turn.
Urge to kill: 30%
TB: Teh Boughnaa
KFR: Kentucky Fried Retard
KFR: "Hi, can I help you?"
TB: "Yes-- I'd like the popcorn chicken combo." (Note: the board advertises this as the "Popcorn Chicken Combo." To my knowledge, it's the only one they have.)
KFR: "Which one?"
TB: "Um... the one on the board there."
Urge to kill: 50%
KFR: "Oh! Okay! The special is the chipotle chicken combo! It's spicy."
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I didn't even know they had that!
Urge to kill: 0%... and falling
TB: "Cool-- I want that. To go."
KFR: "Okay, biscuits or cornbread?" (Aside-- this combo comes with POTATO WEDGES and a pop. Nothing else.)
TB: "Um... biscuits?"
KFR: "Okay-- and what two sides do you want?"
TB (realizing that KFR has completely misinterpreted my order and thinks I'm ordering something else): "No, I want the POPCORN CHICKEN."
Urge to kill: 90%
KFR: "OH! Okay... and you want the drink?"
TB: "I thought the combo CAME with a drink."
KFR: "Oh yeah, it does. For here?"
Urge to kill: NO LONGER A MERE URGE
I want to make a pact with you people. Seriously-- the next time some fucking burger drone is asleep standing up and trying to take your order... just kill them. Let's make fast food a better place.
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